Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
