worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
