i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
