I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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