I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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