She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
