I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
