Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Farmville is her only friend.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
