threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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