I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
