Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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