You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
