Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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