This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
