If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
