I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
