oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I need to stop coming to work sober
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
