I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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