Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
