are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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