There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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