Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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