i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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