Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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