i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
