Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
