jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
