good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
