i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
