Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
