I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
