I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
