Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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