Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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