you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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