Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
bring money and cleavage
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
