hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
