I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize