Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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