we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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