nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
3pm strippers are depressing
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
