I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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