had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
