I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
