Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
