I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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