Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
