I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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