He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
