My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
