I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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