i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
