Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
