my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize