it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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