Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
