Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also, beer. Big fan.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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