After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
