Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
