I just pynch a tree in the face
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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