Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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