Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
