She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize