Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I had to cum in my sink.
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