so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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