Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
