I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
