I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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