i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
